Beyond To-Do Lists: The Art of Mindful Manifestation with Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D.

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Speaker 3: Carla Marie Manley brings her expertise not only from her clinical practice, but also as a wellness podcaster, hosting the Uplifting Mental Health Podcast in perfect love. Dr. Manley's approach to manifestation is refreshingly grounded. She reminds us the true manifestation isn't about magical thinking, but rather about a self-belief, consistent inner work, and the courage to trust our journey even when it gets messy.

In her words, Manifestation takes us beyond the to-do lists and expectations and into the realm of making our dreams come true. As we enter the next season of Spring and New Beginnings, Dr. Manley invites us to examine what seeds we're planting through our thoughts and self-talk, and whether those seeds are working for or against us. An award-winning author of four books including The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully, Dr. Manley's work has been featured in major publications like the Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Forbes, and Oprah. With her holistic approach honoring the body-mind-spirit connection and her trademark blend of direct honesty and humor, we're in for a thoughtful conversation about how we can create more joy-filled lives. Welcome, Dr. Manley. I'd like to start by asking you to talk about your connection between springtime and personal growth in people's lives.

Speaker 3: I'm a big believer that the seasons of the year are something we can look to, to understand some of our inherent tendencies to open up at certain times of the year, to retract at other times of the year, and springtime, I just love looking at nature as a guide in so many ways, and springtime is for me and for many people. That season that invites us to plant the seeds of that which we hope to nourish. Now we can be planting literal seeds, or we can, and can be planting seeds of what we hope to nourish throughout this coming year. And I believe when we do that and do so mindfully, that we can really watch as we move into the warmth of summer and create more abundance, and then fall as we prepare for harvesting some of the slushness we've created, and then the winter to wind down, restore, rejuvenate, turn inward, and then back to the springtime again, where we start defying maybe things that have been stuck or put on hold. And then again, as I said, start planting things, whether it's within the self, which is where all of this in my belief must start, we must start with the self, and then continue that cycle of planting and nourishing as we would a garden.

Speaker 1: I love that metaphor. I spent a lot of time with my hand in the earth, both growing food and just gardening. I grew up in a household. Well, it was actually my mother's meditation was to go out and work in the garden. She didn't know it, but I know that now, that she would go out in the garden and I'd be dragged along as a young boy. So they're like, what am I doing out here?

But I got into it. And plus it was a lovely garden with butterflies and hummingbirds who like to fly up as close to your face as they possibly could. And look at you like, be careful. That's my, you know, don't cut that flower off yet. I'm not done. So it's, it's a beautiful place. And I think having your hands in the earth is always good. Always beneficial.

Speaker 3: I agree. I agree, Richard. And I believe that in our era of being very focused on accumulating things and getting more and buying more that. Going back to nature reminds us if we're gardening of the really important connection we have to the natural world, it gives us life. And when we slow down and make time to garden, even if we just have a little potted plant on a windowsill, realizing that important connection of water, sunshine, healthy soil, and allowing ourselves to realize that in this cycle of tilling the earth, removing weeds, seeing that weeds are simply plants that are generally really wonderful plants, but are in an area that they might not be wanted.

So rather than perhaps spraying them with a very destructive weed killer, we can take the time to pull out those weeds one by one. And some might say, oh, it's easier just to go and spray a bunch of roundup. And I liken that in some ways to what's happened in our world where we as human beings have something going on with us and we go and we seek the help of a professional and they just want us to spray the psyche with some sort of roundup kind of pill or whatever it is, some quick fix or what appears to be a quick fix without looking.

And I'm not saying that all medication is inherently bad, of course not. But I am saying that if we are mindful and work to pull out the weeds within the self, the weeds within our relationships and do it mindfully, we can create a much more beneficial garden environment, friendship environment, family environment. And to me, that's as you were saying when you were a little child, your mom would take you out to the garden. Well, that connection that slowness that gentleness that being with the earth being with a loved one words don't even need to be spoken. Sometimes it's more about just that connection that intimate quiet between people and the quiet that you can have with the earth. So I'm a big believer in nature as a healer and of course our responsibility to heal nature as well. Yeah.

Speaker 1: I know that when I'm in a state of we were talking backstage a little bit and because of a lot of what I talk about is things like Clifasate or, you know, what we were doing to the planet.

I can get cranky. And so what I do is I grab a camera. I've had a camera in my hands and so I was in junior high. And so I grab a camera and I go out in nature or if I'm just in a parking lot, I'll wander around and there are weeds, there are plants or things that once I get into that state of what I call what is my walking meditation, things will pop up. You know, I'll see a dandelion fighting its way through the crack in the cement or I'll see something and it's it's that connection. It's in that moment when I'm capturing the essence of what it is I'm photographing. We're connected and I'm in connection with the earth and I just always find it beneficial and calming.

Speaker 3: I agree with you completely. I remember I was doing a podcast with a woman who does resource and nature research and water research and she was talking about one of her ways of self soothing self calming is to go outside in the morning and she'll sit and even though there's traffic buzzing by. She'll notice the traffic and she'll let it go. She'll notice the sounds she'll let them go and almost as if she's peeling back the layers until she has stripped away all of the noise.

And it's just her and the bees and the butterflies and the inchworms or whatever might be there. And I think that that practice of stripping away the chatter, whether from the outside world or own chatter is one of the ways that we can get more in touch with that really important non anxious core. That is not serving us that is causing us to feel stressed, depressed, filled with anxiety and hopelessness. And so when we are able to do that peeling back of the chatter and go inward, not that that's the fix mind you for everything.

But it can really help us learn to self regulate and self soothe so that we're not walking around just wired with anxiety and and stress which tends to make our interactions not as healthy as they might otherwise be.

Speaker 1: Excuse me, I'm not laughing at what you're saying. I'm just thinking of there are times when I will call a friend. And I'll be come I've come out of doing a show or reading something about just one other bizarre thing we're trying to do to destroy the planet. And they can hear it and one of them knows me well and we'll hear it in my voice and say OK, let's take a moment. Let's breathe in, breathe out. Let's think about, you know, the view of the ocean and then we can have a conversation because I do get. I do get worked up. I think about this a lot. I've been talking about environmental stuff since forever.

I can't go back that far when I was doing Torres Stereo radio. So I think it's it's really important and I think it is good to calm down sometimes. It's also good sometimes to be angry. But I think you can turn around and go ahead.

Speaker 3: Oh, I was just going to say, I think anger has a bad reputation. I'm a big believer I come from the five emotion paradigm where each of our emotions anger, fear, sadness, joy and disgust are all very healthy important emotions.

And they it is how we use our emotions that really makes the difference. And I believe that anger, when it is channeled into righteous action is one of our very best friends. And I personally don't tend to enter that space of anger too much because I don't need to in many cases. But when I do feel angry, I generally find that at the root of the anger is that I feel disrespected or that I feel the planet has been disrespected or a loved one has been disrespected something like that.

But anger, again, I really believe Richard is such a healthy emotion. And of course, we don't want to, you know, get angry and throw things at people or harm people or be destructive. But again, if we use our anger as a messenger to invite us to look inside, or sometimes outside and say, what is happening here that is not right to me that is something where a boundary has been crossed or damage has been done. And so when we use anger as a tool, rather than a weapon, it offers us so much upside.

Speaker 1: I like that very much. I'm writing that down tool versus a weapon. That's really, that's really good. And we're in a jump now, because we're here to talk about manifesting.

But we can always wander into arena as you well know with me. When manifesting comes up in conversation in the world that I wander around in, and I've been around a number of people who spent a lot of time either meditating, perhaps in large groups, various kinds. Some people would call them cults, but they're just groups where they get together and do meditations. Oftentimes, when I hear people talking about manifesting, it seems to be they lean heavily into what I call the new shiny, the new car, the new relationship, the new shiny fill in the blank. And that's not really, that seems like a misdirect to me energetically of what, how we can use manifesting to improve or better ourselves or have a better quality of life.

Speaker 3: I agree with you. And I think that there have been books and all sorts of things on manifesting that make people think that you can sit on your couch, imagine $500,000 coming your way, and it will pop up in your mailbox. And I'm not a believer in that. I am more of a believer in setting our intentions and saying, okay, so this might be one for me. Carla, I really want to manifest writing this wonderful new book that will help people open their hearts and move forward. So if I sit on the couch or chair and hope that that happens, chances are it's not going to happen. However, if I believe in myself and have hope and sit down at my desk and write and work to find the good publisher and do all of that work, my chances of manifesting that wonderful book are much, much higher.

And so I think the idea, even with, and here's another example. Oftentimes in relationships, people start off when they're dating, they're manifesting lots of yumminess and goodness and going on dates and lots of sexy talk and uplifting talk and connective talk. And then as the relationship moves on and red flags start popping up and people tend to not be, try to be as nice, what are they manifesting? They are manifesting a relationship that is showing signs of less mindful attention, less energy, less positivity.

So they get ultimately a negative outcome in cases like this. So I think we can manifest in our relationship with the self, in our relationship with a romantic partner or a friend. So if we are much like a garden going back to that, if I'm wanting to manifest this beautiful garden, I'm not going to throw dandelion seeds in it unless I want dandelions and you know, think they're yummy for salad, which they really do. They can be.

But if I'm wanting to grow zucchini or I'm wanting to grow red bell peppers, then I need to do that and tend to it in a different way. And so I believe that manifesting is something that does require not just mindfulness, but our option, the energy behind it. And I think through that we get the biggest reward of all, we get the reward of having done something to get what comes to us. Instead of having something just land in our lap that we haven't put lots of love and energy behind. And for me, I get a far bigger reward out of a relationship that I've invested in, whether it's a relationship with a loved one or a book or a client. My goodness, I get so much, you know, joy when I see a client who has really manifested the outcome that they never thought they would have, because they put in the hard work of showing up for their sessions and doing work in between.

Speaker 1: And what inspired your approach to in manifestation that focuses on self belief, rather than simply asking the universe, because I've seen that in groups that do a lot of meditation, where it seems like they're asking the universe versus self belief.

Speaker 3: Yes, it does. And I don't think that they're necessarily at odds. I personally pray to the divine for reinforcement and uplift. But I also realize that the divine, the universe asks me to do my part. And I believe that that is something that when we do our part, it builds purpose. It builds joy. It builds self esteem and self confidence.

So I believe that when we have a good work ethic, so to speak, whether it's self work or work out in the world, that it helps us build what used to be called character. I'm not certain that, you know, that's in vogue anymore. But it's something that I feel very deeply. I'm drawn to people with strong character. I'm drawn to people who have a good sense of integrity, who are hard workers. And it's something, maybe it comes from my mom and dad who taught us to be really hard workers. And, but really it's something that I happened to value, not just in myself, but I value it in other people because I think this world that we've been given to live in is really magnificent. And I think for far too long, we have taken so much for granted that it's lovely to see some of the younger generations taking it very seriously and older generations, you know, all the generations that we all have the right and the ability to stand up for what is good and healthy.

And we know the difference. I believe that we inherently know when we're doing something that's beneficial and something that's not. So, why I digress too much, I just think it's so important for us to realize that our actions, self belief, belief in the universe, if we pause to come down and make mindful choices about what is good for me and the planet. What is good for me and others. I think we can generally find a really happy place where we can do something that's right for the self, right for others and right for the planet. It might not always be the easiest choice, but I think we can generally slow down to nine times out of 10. Find that next right step.

Speaker 1: Well, I think that this is one of the things that I'm not always talking about, but I often talk about is in spite of our differences. And our differences could be that we don't have a common language.

I mean, literally don't have a common language. Whatever our differences are, we're all in this together about the planet. What we do to the planet affects everyone. One of my hashtags I use a lot as one planet, one Earth. We don't have another one in spite of what some people would have you think that we could go to another planet.

Maybe I'm not interested. I like it here. And so I think that's one of my sort of like motions of we're all in this together about this planet. So if you dump toxic waste on the planet, it's going to affect your family and my family. So how about we don't do that? Or how about we think about not doing that or find a way to not do that? We really are all on this spaceship called Earth together.

Speaker 3: Absolutely, Richard. And I know that we can all make a difference by taking small actions that might seems too small to make a difference. But I believe that every little thing we do matters. So for example, somebody might be feeling very upset about finding plastic in the ocean. And so when you go to the ocean, then pick up the trash as you're walking along the beach. I do that everywhere I go.

I pick up trash. And I think I was raised that way. I remember the little saying, you know, pick it up, don't pass it up. And I think I do that wherever I am, no matter where I am. And yeah, sometimes it's mucky. Sometimes it's gross.

Well, it's a lot muckier and more gross when it ends up in the ocean inside of a whale. So we want to realize that we can all make a difference because if we don't take that seriously, then a sense of hopelessness can set in. And that's why I look and see, you know, so many people moving away from single use plastic bottles to the refillable metal containers.

And it seems like a small thing, but it's additive. And when we start taking these simple steps, maybe we feel as though we're handcuffed and can't stop toxic waste in, you know, a state that we don't live in. But we can write to our congressman. We can stand up our congresswomen. We can stand up and, you know, attend protests. Every voice matters. And I think that this conversation is so important because it helps us remember that if we want to manifest a better planet, the solution isn't to fly to Mars. The solution is to take care of the planet we have to train ourselves to be more mindful, loving human beings, mindful and loving to ourselves, to each other, and of course to the planet.

And I do think we can use some resets that will help us get more toward that. And one of the things that I often say to people, because I'm often pulled into political conversations, and I really advocate for people to learn to listen to each other, rather than judge each other. Because the more we listen to each other, we don't have to agree. But the more we listen, the more the sense of combativeness dies away.

And when the combativeness lessens, there is gently soil left that is not dry and parched, but soil that is more receptive to change. And that's my personal belief and a belief of how can we manifest a future that is not as bleak as what it is now? I think so much of it comes from listening to each other, standing up for our truth, mind you. We need to stand in our truth, but also being receptive to other people's truth as much as possible.

Speaker 1: That's a whole other show. I won't go there now. I won't go there now. I'll stick where we are. I've heard you say, I've heard or read by now it's a volume of stuff, so it just blurs into what the source is. Not what society tells us is important.

And I think I may have gotten that out of your newsletter. But I think that's a really, as we work on our manifesting, it's really not about, in my view, and I'll make this into a question somehow, that would you talk about that, what I would call angle of manifesting, that it's not really what society tells us is important? Absolutely.

Speaker 3: So many times we are, especially in this age of social media, we are looking to the outside world for reinforcement, for a cue or cues to how we should act, who we should be, what we should be doing, how we should think. And I, my dad would always say to me, thinking is the hardest thing there is.

That's why so few people engage in it. And I believe that we have the right and the responsibility to think for ourselves. And surely we might come to a conclusion after soul searching and reading and investigation that comports with somebody else's. But it's important for us to, in some ways, shy away from societal messages so that we can come to our own truth.

Because if we take that time to come to our own truth on whatever the topic is, then we feel so much more grounded and secure in what we're doing. And I can give you an example from my own life that in the course of, it was actually what prompted my first book, Joy from Fear, if I listened to society, to my culture growing up, I was to be a good Catholic girl who did what she was said, what she was told to do and follow the straight and narrow. And that path was so against what my inner voice wanted from me, what I believe the divine wanted from me, that it nearly cost me my life in many ways.

And so when I finally learned that the truth was inside of me, waiting for me to have the courage to peel back all the layers of family messages and societal messages and cultural messages to come to my truth. And was that a painful practice? Oh, yes. Was it a difficult practice? Oh, yes. Was it one and done?

Oh, no. And so when we realize that that is part and parcel of living true to oneself, particularly if you weren't raised in a family environment that allowed you to fully explore and become who you wanted or want to be. And I think that when we follow that paradigm and realize that stripping away the expectations of the outside world, it's not a journey for the faint of heart.

It is one that's available to all of us, but the pathway isn't always easy to be true to yourself. But what it does do is it helps you live much more in accord with your own inner voice. It's probably one of the reasons I don't suffer from depression. I don't suffer from, you know, many things, despite having a very complex and complicated background, because I really do try to be my best self and live my best life. And I think, again, that that is something that regardless of socioeconomic status, that we all have the ability to do at some level.

Speaker 1: And I'm jumping here slightly, but this fits in with the thread. How are joy and happy different? And how can we practice them and build them?

Speaker 3: That's such a good question. And I like to differentiate between pleasure, happiness and joy. And pleasure is more of a fleeting sense of, oh, this feels good. That's dependent on something that we've experienced. And happiness also tends to be fleeting and dependent upon a sensation, an uplift caused by an external event. Joy, however, and this is how I've coined it. Joy is, in my mind, an internal candle that we are generally born with.

And if you think of a candle inside of a glass votive, the little holders, that it's generally clear when we're born. But societal messages and shaming and criticism cause it to cloud up over time. So we don't realize that we have this flickering, beautiful joy inside of us that's really not dependent on external factors.

It's dependent on us taking the time to clear away the smoky buildup that soot and just being with the joy. Joy, like our other core emotions, this is the difficult piece. Sometimes it will float away. Sometimes it will be replaced by anger or sadness. Sometimes it will be sitting there simultaneously with sadness. How could joy and sadness coexist? Well, if anyone has ever lost a loved one, you can be mourning them terribly and then see their smile in your mind's eye and feel this spark of joy. So the joy can sit with other emotions. And so I believe that when we work on a practice of joy and joy, I love joy because it is a piece of our lives that we can live. But we don't need much to have true joy.

Happiness is tricky and pleasure because you often need more and more and more to get that same neurochemical fix for pleasure and for happiness. Whereas joy, two birds just appeared out of my window and they were so beautiful and they gave me joy. If I take a deep breath and a deep inhalation and deep exhalation and envision a field of lavender, I can feel joy. If I hug a loved one, I can feel joy. If I sit in quiet and just be with myself, I can feel joy. And that is the part of joy that we see it's not dependent on having more. I don't need to go buy something to give me joy. That might give me a little bit of happiness or a little bit of pleasure. But joy doesn't need us to accumulate things. In fact, sometimes joy gets sparked when we've let go of things rather than accumulate. So I'm a big believer that we can all find joy in the simplest of places.

Speaker 1: I love that the birds volunteered to come up at that moment for you. That was very nice of them.

Speaker 3: It was, they were beautiful.

Speaker 1: Yeah, nature. It's hard to go wrong with nature. I'm a big fan. It's always a pleasure. How does, how can I guess I'll say it this way, how can self compassion factor into the, to our manifesting process?

Speaker 3: I think self compassion is such a critical part of being human because if we don't have self compassion in walks, self loathing, self hatred, criticism, discussed. So many feelings and mindsets that. Oh, that's okay that I did that because, you know, I'm poor or I'm underprivileged or I could really use what that person had.

No, I don't mean self compassion like that at all. I mean that on this journey of life, we are sure to make mistakes. We don't get the proverbial handbook when we're born and if we did, we wouldn't read it or have the capacity to read it. And so we go through life, learning as we go, let's hope, and often getting mucky along the way, sometimes very unintentionally.

And if we get stuck in that muckiness immobilized by fear, self doubt, We're not doing ourselves or anyone good. So I'm a big believer in using our mistakes, my mistakes, to do a reset, to look what I might have done incorrectly, what I could do better, learn the lesson, make my amends if there's somebody I've hurt and move on. And what allows me to do that is self-compassion. Realizing that if I have compassion for myself, not only does it help me love myself more fully and deeply, it helps me love others more fully and deeply. And it also creates the kind of progress that I believe is healthy for us and healthy for the planet because from my perspective, the reason we are here is to draw gently on the earth that is our home and evolve just a bit more each day. It's why in my fourth book, The Joy of Imperfect Love, I talk at the beginning of each chapter about a cabochon, cabochon being a polished gem.

And each chapter leads with a simple cabochon about what we might hope to learn from that chapter. And why these are so important is that these jewels, gemstones, that we polish in ourselves over a lifetime. If we slow down to notice them, such as self-love, self-compassion, joy, and we work on polishing those, respect, integrity, all of these things that allow us to form a healthy relationship with the self and thus a healthy relationship with others, if we see that it's not one and done, that we are not perfect, others are not perfect. But the one thing we do have a great deal of power over is our ability to work on the self. So if we keep doing that and keep polishing and keep polishing, we get there's the opportunity for joy every day, every day. Some days there's less, you know, we'll have less joy. Some days we'll have more, but it's the stone polishing process I find absolutely fascinating.

Speaker 1: This fits so perfectly. You would think we set this up. We talked a little briefly before the show, and I asked you about this Bruce Lipton quote that I saw recently on social media. And it's, be kind to past versions of yourself that didn't know the things you know now. That just seems to fit right in here, the cabochons being polished.

Speaker 3: Absolutely. And it's a beautiful quote because so many times we don't realize that going back to that younger version of the self, I am a believer that inside of us, particularly those who have had a lot of trauma or different traumas that we get stuck sometimes mentally, generally, emotionally as well in these various states where the trauma opened. And so by going back and allowing that part of the self to heal, which takes great self compassion, great awareness, a willingness to be wise, and it's again, not a get out of jail free card. It is a mindful going back to heal that part of the self. And why would we want to do that? Because when we're young, we get so many messages, whether explicitly or implicitly, that shape us into who we become.

And so much of that messaging is flawed. You're a bad child, you're stupid, you've made too many mistakes, you'll never amount to anything. Everything you do turns to crap. Oh, you shouldn't do that.

There's no money in that profession. Oh, don't worry about throwing oil in the ground. It doesn't matter. Messages like this that are so common. And when we pause to go back, to listen to some of the messages that we have been given, again, implicitly or explicitly, those that we've adopted simply because of exposure and work to become mindful about looking at the messages that feel right to the heart and the soul. And that is what makes a difference because I believe when I'm working with a client, Richard, if a client says to me, I don't know, that's such a big red flag to me because I believe that inside of us is a very deep knowing, a very wise person that sometimes we don't believe we know or can know. But if we keep peeling back the layers, there is a wisdom there and inner voice, a truth, or truth that will guide us in the right way.

And sometimes we don't want to listen to it because that way is inconvenient or it will ruffle feathers or people won't like us or all of those things that I've personally had to walk through in some very dark times. And that's why I so believe in what I do because I've been there. And I know what's on the other side and I know that joy is on the other side of self-belief and self-compassion and wisdom. And I also know the darkness and the pain and the stuckness that is on the side of not listening to one's truth.

Speaker 1: And how do we achieve or learn or gain, I'm not sure which one of those words, non-judgmental awareness?

Speaker 3: Such a great question. What I believe is that it's a practice, one that I'm always engaging in because out of this, we are meant to judge or discern is often a more palatable word. So we need to judge, to discern in order to tell a poisonous berry from a non-poisonous berry, a kitty cat from a mountain lion. We need to be able to differentiate. And so when we turn that to ourselves and become aware that we, if we can learn to be, I call it being an objective researcher, if I can learn to step back from the self, from Carla's mind and just observe it is what I'm thinking accurate is what I'm thinking right now. Resonate with my inner truth.

And when I keep stepping back and again being as neutral as possible, we tend to find that non-judgmental space that is free from the machinations of that busy monkey mind. And it's one of the reasons that I actually created these reflection and oracle cards. They're called imperfect love reflection and oracle cards. Why did I create them? Because in working on my fourth book, The Joy of Imperfect Love, I realized that we have this interplay of our feelings, our thoughts, our mindsets, our energy, and our beliefs.

And if we catch that interplay as early as possible, we have the power to create the outcome. So I use for this situation feelings and emotions interchangeably, but they're different. But if we imagine, let's imagine that I'm angry and I go straight from being angry to yelling at my husband, then I've been very reactive and I will probably get a negative outcome. However, if I slow down and say, I'm feeling angry, and then I go, what's my thought? My thought is, oh, my partner doesn't care about me because he forgot my birthday.

That might be the thought. Then my mindset can be very, very negative and edgy. My energy then becomes brittle and reactive and hard. The outcome is when my husband walks in the door, I might be very upset and yell. None of that is who I am, but we could see how it could easily get there. Let's slow it down and do it a different way.

If I slow down and say, oh, I'm feeling angry, why am I feeling angry? Oh, my beloved forgot my birthday. Boy, that is a sad thought, isn't it? And then I engage with, so I've had the feeling, I've had the thoughts that my mindset might be, but he generally remembers my birthday and all these other wonderful events.

So I'm sure something busy must have been going on for him. And then I might go into an energy that's more luscious, more nurturing, more resilient. And then my actions, when I see him that evening, I might then be able to say, honey, today was my birthday and I didn't get a birthday card from you and a birthday hello or whatever it was.

And so I've changed the outcome because then he's much more likely to do what I talk a lot about is give me a reach toward a loving hug, an apology, a gift certificate for a belated birthday, whatever it might be. So when we slow our actions down to see that interplay, a feelings thoughts, mindset, energy and action, that slowing down process helps us become so much more self aware, so much less judgmental of the self and others, and it moves us into this space of where are we manifesting. In the first situation, I manifested a negative outcome by being reactive.

And the second situation, my opportunity to create a much more positive outcome, manifesting the sweetness and love I was looking for or demonstration of love would be much fire. So when we learn to slow our lives down in that way, paying attention to the feelings, thought, mindset, energy and action. And if we even catch that, you know, somewhere in the mindset or energy before the action, we can create a shift even if we're a little slow on the uptake. And you know, then again, we're all human. Sometimes we take an action that we later feel badly about, and then we get to just make our amends and learn and do it better the next time. And this leads me to

Speaker 1: what advice would you give to someone who feels stuck in the mental mud despite their efforts? I'm asking for a friend.

Speaker 3: Stuck in the mental mud despite their efforts. I would want to know more about the mud, Richard. I would want to know more about what the mud feels like. What is the mud telling you? Why are you there?

What did you get there? Do you want to get out of the mud? Sometimes being in the mud, if we don't resist it, can actually be soothing and necessary the old dark night of the soul sort of muddiness and darkness. Sometimes though, I think that that is the place to start with your dear friend is why are you there? Is it serving you? How did you get there? Do you want to stay there?

Do you want to get out of that mud? So have some curiosity about why are you there? How did you get there?

And if you want to move forward, where do you want to go? What does that look like? What does that feel like to you? And to because sometimes, for example, with depression or getting stuck in the mud, we're so busy judging it or trying to get out of it that we're not realizing that when we look at the nervous system and we're used to the fight or flight response, which is the sympathetic nervous system forcing us into fleeing, forcing us into fighting, that nervous part of the nervous system is in control.

Whereas the parasympathetic nervous system, which is all about the freeze and appease or fawn, when that part of the nervous system becomes too activated, too entrenched, it can cause malaise or deep depression. So being able to look at something been going on in my life where I fought and fought or appeased and appeased, froze and froze, gave in to the point of exhaustion, and now I'm just stuck in this mud. So we want to do some exploration to understand more about the mud. I hope that's helpful and to see what the mud might be telling us so that we can decide, choose how to mindfully move forward.

Speaker 1: I will say that this particular person that I'm thinking of that I've introduced a lot of people to, well, we both live in Northern California, going up to Calistoga and taking a mud bath. And the first time you lay down in the mud, depending upon the location, the mud is heavy, the mud is warm to hot, and there's a period when they're covering you with mud up to your neck where this person in particular was a little freaking out. Not really, but I could see a lot of discomfort.

And I was like, dude, relax with it. You're resisting nothing. You're resisting a thing that is not existing.

And he looked at me and told me some explosives and then got it. And I feel the in there, like even I can get into that state of thinking as we were talking about behind it before the show, I talk a lot about environmental issues. And sometimes I get stuck into that and I have to go out into nature and photograph to get out of my head. But I feel the same way about taking a mud bath that you're in it, you're surrendering to it, and it feels amazing the moment you let go. And it's an extraordinary event of having benefit and relaxation. And it's like a forced, in the greatest of ways, meditation for your whole body.

Speaker 3: Absolutely. And I think that that's why I was equating it to the dark night of the soul, which as anyone who's been through the dark night of the soul is that very deeply contemplative, dark, muddy space that one goes into or can go into when there are deep challenges and the soul is trying to figure out the next wise step and not really ready to make that step. And there's no fighting that there is only the understanding and the willingness to be with that pain and that soul searching while you're there. Because we can't, it's to me like a dark cavern that leads out to the sunlight, you can't get out to the sunlight unless you're willing to go through the dark cavern. And sometimes that's what muddiness is asking us. Sometimes it's asking us to surrender. Sometimes it's asking us to be still. It's saying be still, you need to calm and be still and relax and give in for a while. Other times it's saying, okay, we've done our rest.

Now we've learned now we can get out and hose off and have some time in the sun. And so I think it's about having relationships, Richard, with our various mental and physical states. I think that we as a society, many societies around the world, are in this constant need to be happy.

And when we are so determined to be happy all of the time, we make an enemy of stillness and darkness and shadow, but they're all a part of life. And we want to be able to be friends with these parts of life that give us downtime and self reflection time back to the seasons of the year. We need winter. Winter is the quiet time, the inward time. It is the dark time. And we need all of the seasons.

They all have their purpose. We don't just have summer. If we had summer fun all year long, we wouldn't prize summer the way that we do. And I think it's one of the reasons I find spring so incredible and autumn so incredible because of the times of transition and change. And then we see so much and so going on in the external world and the internal world. So I think for your dear friend who is really stuck in this muddy place, it might be familiar to them. It might feel what I call comfortably uncomfortable, but if it is not a place that is giving you joy, then it's maybe time to find out why.

Speaker 1: I'll pass that on. That's great. How can we change or alter control into curiosity? Convert, that's the word I want. How can we convert control into curiosity?

Speaker 3: I will answer that, but I realized I did a bit of disservice with what I said just a moment ago. It's not that that dark space has to give that person joy, but if they're uncomfortable and they're not seeing a pathway toward joy, they want to maybe look at why they are stuck in this place. It's the stuckness that tends to be a concern, a feeling of stuckness. We don't always have to be in that place of joy, but look for the stuckness and the why there. So thank you for allowing me that. And your question again, Richard, please.

Speaker 1: How can we convert control into curiosity?

Speaker 3: That's a really good question and an important one. It is human nature to want to be in control because it makes us feel safe and secure and safety and security are at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And so in order to progress in toward self-actualization, if that's our goal at the top of the pyramid, we want that safety and security. Yet we often believe, and being in control of other people or the world around us, when in truth the only enduring control that we have on this planet is the control over the self. But we think, we respond, what's happening with our internal world and how we, to what degree we can control our actions.

Why do I say to what degree we can? There are times in life where we can't act as we want to quite literally. But in most cases, we are quite in a lot of control over how we show up in the world. And so that's the part that if we see that control is not all it's cracked up to be.

It's really quite an illusion. And there is such a tendency in today's world for people to try to control others. The outcome isn't positive because it creates a cycle of people trying to control each other rather than doing their own work to be the best person they can be. And I truly believe if we all spent more time working on ourselves rather than trying to control other people and really focused on being our best selves, there would be a lot less damage to the self, to others, and to the planet. I think it really all works together. And what do you think the biggest misconception people have about manifestation?

Speaker 3: I think the biggest manifestation error that people make is to believe that it's a magic outside themselves. That it is a magical force that some have access to, that some don't have access to. Manifestation to me is not about magic.

It can be magical, but it is about belief in the self connecting with a belief in the divine, whatever that means to someone. It can mean science, it can mean nature, it can mean anything you want it to mean. It can mean your God, whatever you want it to be. But it is that connection of what the self wants, truly, deeply wants and yearns for. And some source of guidance or support from beyond the self to create what one really deeply yearns to have come into creation. And I do believe the biggest misconception is that it is some magical force that is outside of you that you can just snap your fingers, put pictures of the diamond you want on the wall or the business you want on the wall and it will magically appear. It isn't by magic, it is by effort, intention, and a belief that you are supported when you put energy in the right direction for positive manifestation, just as we can easily manifest something negative.

Speaker 1: I don't think people know that they can manifest something negative or that grinding on something is what I would call it. Because there are times when I'm working on something trying to figure something out for a show that I'm going to do or just something I'm trying to figure out, where I will grind away at it, but grind away at it for me means really figuring it out, digging around from all the angles I can think, possibly even consulting AI until I come up with a clear like, oh, there it is, now I know how to do that. But you can get locked up and turn it into a negative wad of darkness.

Speaker 3: Absolutely. And I think where I look at negative manifestation, I see it a lot in relationships where one partner will be, it often comes up around conflict, where one partner will be saying to the other person, oh, I know this is going to go downhill or I know my partner won't want this, or I know this is going to turn out badly. And then they unconsciously give cues or take actions. It's that whole feeling thought mindset energy action thing that's occurring, and a negative outcome occurs.

And that is negatively manifesting something. The internal voice that says, I can't do this, or I'm a procrastinator, I'll never get this done. If you have those voices going on inside your head, then they will affect the outcome. With our thoughts, we make our world that's from the Buddha. And yes, I do believe our thoughts do have the power to shape our reality.

Speaker 3: I couldn't agree more. I've been around people. I was a working chef for 20 years. And I could tell when I was, what is called running the line, which means you're managing the people on the line cooking and producing the food. And you're the chef who makes sure that everything is correct before it goes out to the table.

You're called the expediter. And you could actually see people on the line who would have, I could see them working on a negative thought about trying to produce a dish. And I've shown them how the dishes wants to be produced, made, created. And they have a thing when I'm showing them how to do it, like, oh, I can't do that. And it's like, no, you can do that.

Stop that. You're manifesting the reality of a bad dish. And that's not what we produce here. So I think it's interesting in real time when you can show somebody which goes back to some question we had way back there, that you can demonstrate to somebody like, no, when you do it this way, this is how it works to get to there.

And if you replicate that, that's the idea of teaching somebody on the line to cook the dish the way you want them to cook it, as a head chef, that's your job, is to do it. Do it this way. Just watch me. Watch me do it repeatedly. I'll do it as many times as you want me to do it. And then you'll do it. And when I would teach people, they were always amazed that they learned so well, because I wouldn't do this.

Not a lot of talking. It's like, watch what I'm doing. Watch my hands. Watch the pan.

Watch the piece of fish that I'm about to, you know, whatever you're preparing. It's just like, watch these steps, rinse and repeat, and you'll find that it works. And you're, you're, it's a mini example of manifestation.

Look, you follow these steps. Like when I, when I, I like to visit people in their homes and cook meals with them. And I look like I have no organization to what I'm doing. But in my mind, I know what I want to achieve. And I always get there.

But I did it for 20 years. So you bet I should be able to get there. But I have that as a belief system also that I can. And it's where it demonstrates so readily. I don't have a question there. I'm sorry.

Speaker 4: Oh, no worries. It makes, it makes perfect sense. It's the repetition of anything neurobiologically. The more we repeat anything, be it good or not so good, the more familiar it is, the more a part of us it becomes. And in that way, we also manifest.

Speaker 3: And a handful of learning to trust yourself. Absolutely. You know, to trust, I'm not a person who uses thermometers and cooking. I just touch stuff and know by its resistance, whether it's ready or not, or how hot a pan is. I hold my, my hand over the pan. And I know if it's the right temperature or not. And I'm not talking about down to so many degrees.

It's hot enough to sear this scallop perfectly. Like that kind of thing. And you just learn it. You know, you do it enough. It is repetition. You do it a couple thousand times and you learn like, Oh, my hand is very quite accurate. My hand knows temperature quite well. And it's, it's that rinse and repeat.

Speaker 4: Absolutely. And yet there's a mindfulness behind the scenes that is also occurring because the brain works in such beautiful ways to make sure that the radar is still on. We're still paying attention in most cases, even when something appears effortless. It's just more practiced. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of practice.

Speaker 3: I want to recommend to people before we close, there's this really great article. I'll put this in the show notes for the link on your blog. You have a great post titled embracing your life journey, the key of self compassion. And it's a really good article.

I mean, it's really, you're such a great gifted writer. I think it's a great thing for people to read about self-compassion. I always, I use the hashtag a lot in reference to like having a good immune system about self-caring. I think self-caring is primary in having a good immune system. You have to be kind to yourself.

And I can't close the show until I ask you about this. Can being kind in the world affect our own kindness to ourselves and to, can we follow that example of being kind in the world and then therefore learn to be kind to ourselves, kind with ourselves?

Speaker 4: Yes. I believe that we can. And I think that actions, be they kind or unkind, have a ripple effect. And so a gentle example is you're out on a walk and a baby smiles at you and you smile back at the baby.

It felt good. You pet a dog and the dog, you know, gives you his wet nose. You are kind to the dog.

The dog gives you his nose. It feels good. Your sweetheart comes home. You give them a hug.

They give you a hug. It feels good. So I do think that, and it energy transfers that way. Just like if you walk into a room and somebody is having an angry spell and you feel that anger, you know, attached to you a bit, if you're not mindful to keep away from it. But I do believe that we can definitely catch in air quotes each other's emotions and that when we choose to engage in acts of kindness toward others, it also feels good to this self. I'm a big believer in that. That when I give a donation or do an act of goodness or pick up trash or, you know, pick a worm up and put it, you know, back in the dirt, I feel good. I feel really, truly good. The other day I rescued a little swallow.

I felt so good at seeing that magnificent little bird fly up into the air. So every act of kindness, even the really small ones, I believe are cumulative and tend to not just uplift our spirits, but because again, energy can be contagious. I do think that they tend to uplift others.

And the more joy, the more kindness we create in the world, I think the better off will all be a kinder, gentler, more loving world is definitely one of the biggest things we can all aspire to contribute to in my estimation. I agree completely.

Speaker 3: Wonderful. Well, I knew this was going to be fun, Dr. Karla, and it was, and more. We could go on, I could go on for hours, but we're going to keep it around an hour. But that was wonderful. Thank you.

Speaker 4: Well, thank you. I really appreciate the time and the connection with you.

Speaker 3: And where would you like listeners to find more about your work and your books? And I will, as I said, I'm going to put your blog specifically as a link in the show notes because it just has such great writings that are available.

Speaker 4: Oh, well, thank you. People can find me. My website is drcarlamanley.com. I'm on Instagram at Dr. Karla Manley, TikTok, Facebook. My books are on my website. I'm pretty easy to find out there.

Speaker 3: And I noticed somewhere that you sell your book on Etsy. Is that true?

Speaker 4: Yes. Etsy has my imperfect love cards. And soon my books will be there in packages. Right now, they're individually for sale. But they're a nice option to either getting them direct from my publisher or your local bookstore. I'm a big fan of supporting local bookstores. And also, so Etsy, Amazon are my publisher, which is Familius.

Speaker 3: I just thought that that's selling your book on Etsy was brilliant. I haven't seen anybody do that. That makes so much sense. That's so perfect. I'd so much rather send people. This is my personal opinion. I'd much rather send people to Etsy than I would Amazon.

Speaker 4: I'm with you on that. I'm with you on that.

Speaker 3: All right. We'll stop there because, yes, but I just think that is so brilliant. Everybody I work with, I'm going to tell, you know, you should put your book on Etsy. That's really a great place to have it because it's a great community. It is a great community. All right, everybody. Have a great rest of the weekend. And again, Dr. Carla, thank you so much.

Speaker 4: My pleasure and have a beautiful day. You too.